Change

Hi

I'm sure you're aware that as we get older we naturally change. Sadly, yourself and those around you won't all change at the same rate. This can be a little hard to accept.

I've found recently that I'm at a point in my life where I just don't have the energy to put into things that shouldn't need it. For a while I wondered why I was so disconnected from the people around me lately and what had happened to everyone. Turns out, they're all pretty much the same but I've (for a while, unknowingly) changed. A lot.

Change is good and you can't avoid it. But sometimes you change in a way that takes you from those around you.

I found the hard way that I had people in my life who were just not good for me. I didn't realise this until I'd started getting a little more confident in myself, realising what I wanted and standing up for myself. These people were quite cruel to me; controlling and unkind. But I'd been around these people for so long that I honestly didn't realise how cruel they were being until I decided to stand up for myself. Then it hit me. I was always anxious, waiting for them to be cruel. Waiting for the moment they would turn. I just never knew if I was going to get 'nice' them or 'mean' them and it was horrible. I didn't want to live my life like that, even if it meant losing my friends.

I'm not going to lie, change can be lonely. I probably feel more isolated now than ever before, and I'm still waiting for the day that I'll get horrible messages of anger towards me for distancing myself.

But I'm not okay with that being my life anymore.

Sometimes you have to break down before you can build yourself back up.  All you can do is know that in the long run you're doing what's best for you, even if it's tough now.